Change

A fellow employee came into my office the other day and told me that she had been promoted into another job, and she wanted me to apply for hers.  Her job is as a trainer, and she thinks that I’d be perfect in that position.  I told her that I’d apply, as soon as I finished completing the application. 

And there’s the thing.  My half-completed application has been sitting in limbo for at least a month now.   It’s not that I’m apathetic, it’s just that I don’t like change.   Once I get comfortable somewhere, I’m there until I’m kicked out.

I wasn’t one of those over-achiever adoptees growing up.  I was the antithesis of that.  It took me 10 years to earn my bachelor’s degree.   While most find it commendable that I stay at my jobs for years and years, I just see it as comfortable….comforting.  And I have to wonder, is it that I just lack the ambition that drives others to reach for the stars, or is it due to being adopted?  Am I not dating yet because I’m still mourning the loss or because I don’t want to play the leaving game again?  

Change for an adoptee is hard on us sometimes.  We’ve had so much change in our lives….traumatic changes.   Changes in mother, country, culture.  Dulls the senses when making a determination on whether the change is positive or negative, helpful or harmful.  And folks, I don’t trust my own sense of judgment on this, given this last relationship I was in!

Ahhh….the ADHD kicks in and I’m now trying to figure out why one of my dogs wants to lick the other dog’s butt, and then lick my arm.  Oh well…..it’s late and I’m off to bed.

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~ by eunmi38 on March 31, 2007.

One Response to “Change”

  1. Sometimes change is good. I’m not good with change either but I think if I don’t do “this” then what will happen. And I’ve had many great opportunities and made many great friends because I put myself out there! DO IT!!! =)

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