I will not be visiting your blog any more. I do not wish to support the manner in which your are attempting to provoke change, but I do not need to go into detail because you already know how I feel. I sincerely hope you will choose to take a more positive approach in the future.

Respectfully and apologetically, Heather

It’s hard to show a path farther down the road when one isn’t even on that path yet (or ever possibly.)

I don’t think I could ever work for an agency as I would worry unendingly about the children. Luck of the draw seems to place some in better situations than others.

And it becomes a lot harder once school gets in the equation.

Cameo: I do know that people who grow up in multiracial families face some of the same difficulties as INAs. The difference is that you have people that look like you, that have a history to share with you. Thanks for sharing.

Maureen: I most certainly don’t claim that ALL adoptees feel the same way I do. I’m actually a pretty mellow person. I have not attacked anyone who has responded to me, and I will not do that. If you don’t like what you’ve read, don’t read it.

Life has given me my share of horrible people. I walk down the street and someone slants their eyes and makes Chinatown songs. I sit in a restaurant with my white boyfriend and people point and stare like I’m a zoo animal or something.

But letting those people dictate me only justifies their point of view. It’s time that you let go of that, and focus on being at peace with yourself. Because it isn’t some AP who hasn’t done the proper research that you’re angry at, it’s yourself. Get over it and quit your constant bitching.

I hope you will try to understand why I was hurt. Your post seemed to generalize and characterize all adoptive parents as being self-important, rich, criminals, who see children as accessories. I am an adoptive parent who has read endless books, who has taken parenting classes, cultural sensitivity classes, had every inch of my personal life scrutinized, who spent two agonizing years waiting and spent every last dime. My husband was adopted, his sister was adopted, my brother was adopted, I have friends who were adopted. Some are minorities, some were adopted domestically and some internationally. We have talked, really talked about the issues concerning adoption, race, etc. I can’t even count the number of nights I have spent crying for all that my son has lost. Or the hours that I have stared at the photos of his birth mother aching for her loss. I live everyday knowing that no matter how much I do, I may never be enough for the child who owns my heart.

And everyday I deal with people who know nothing about me, but consider me a villain. I live in a very racially diverse area, so I get a lot of dirty looks that let me know I am not qualified to mother my son. I can’t go to the grocery store without feeling it. That hurts. It’s life and I have to deal, but it hurts.

I didn’t pick my son out like a puppy in the window, and the insinuation was hurtful. He wasn’t a newborn and he had medical issues. But he was my son and I love him more than I could ever express to you.

I guess it just seemed like you think you know that adoptive parents haven’t prepared. But most of the adoptive parents I know have been through hell and back. You told Mia she “better start preparing,” but how do you know she hasn’t? I know Mia, I know she has. You say you have the utmost respect for adoptive parents who do the work, but your post lumped us all together in one very ugly package.

I hope you can tell that I am not angry as I type this, it is difficult to convey emotion in this medium, but I am sincere. I just wanted to tell you where I was coming from.